Coping With the Loss of a Loved One
Every year, more than 42,000 people in the United States die by suicide. It is this country's 10th leading cause of death overall and the 2nd leading cause of death in the 15 to 24 year-old group. With an average of 121 suicides per day, there are more suicides annually in the U.S. than homicides. It is estimated that for every suicide, there are at least 8-10 people whose lives are traumatically impacted and forever changed.
The sudden and unexpected nature of the death leaves survivors stunned and troubled by the powerful emotions and reactions they experience, the most common of which are:
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Shock- this is always the immediate reaction to suicide, along with a physical and emotional numbness. This is the body's way of temporarily screening out the pain so that it can be experienced in smaller, more manageable steps. |
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Guilt- this often surfaces as the feeling, "If only I had done....," or "If only I had said or not said...." |
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Anger- this may be part of the grief response, whether directed toward the deceased, another family member, a therapist, or oneself. |
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Depression- this often appears with symptoms of disturbed sleep, fatigue, inability to concentrate, change in appetite, and feelings of hopelessness and despair. |
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Relief- this may be a part of the reaction when the suicide followed a long decline into self-destructive behavior or mental illness. |
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Why?- all survivors struggle long and hard with this question and may never find an answer that is acceptable to them. However, the reality is that suicide occurs in the presence of mental illness or substance abuse problems, with the #1 cause of suicide being untreated or inadequately treated depression. |
Understanding and expressing these intense feelings, while learning about the causes of suicide, can greatly advance the healing process. Below are some suggestions for survivors:
A Bibliography For Suicide Survivors
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Suicide Why? by Adina Wrobleski |
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After Suicide by John H. Hewett |
| Grieving A Suicide by Albert Y. Hsu |
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Grieving The Unexpected by Dr. Gary LeBlanc |
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Suicide Survivors: A Guide For Those Left Behind by Adina Wrobleski |
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Life After Suicide: Finding Courage, Comfort & Community After Unthinkable Loss by Jennifer Ashton |
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After Suicide Loss: Coping With your Grief by Bob Baugher and Jack Jordon |
| No Time to Say Goodbye: Surviving the Suicide of a Loved One by Carla Fine |
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Silent Grief: Living in the Wake of Suicide by Christopher Lukas and Henry M. Seiden |
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Healing After The Suicide Of A Loved One by Ann Smolin and John Guinan |
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My Son My Son? A Guide To Healing After Death, Loss or Suicide by Iris Bolton |
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Do They Have Bad Days In Heaven? Surviving the Suicide Loss of a Sibling by Michelle Linn- Gust |
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Night Falls Fast- Understanding Suicide by Kay Redfield Jamison |
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Andrew, You Died Too Soon- A Family Experience of Grieving and Living Again by Corinne Chilstrom |
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Our Forever Angel: Surviving The Loss Of A Loved One To Suicide by Barb Scholz |
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Standing In The Shadow: Help And Encouragement For Suicide Survivors by June Cerza Kolf |
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I Don't Want To Talk about It: Overcoming The Secret Legacy Of Male Depression by Terrence Real by Andrew Slaby |
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Someone I Love Died By Suicide: A Story for Child Survivors and Those Who Care for Them by Doreen Cammarata |
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But I Didn't Say Goodbye: For Parents and Professionals Helping Child Suicide Survivors by Barbara Rubel |
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Guiding Your Child Through Grief by Mary Ann Emswiler and James Emswiler |
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Sad Isn't Bad: A Good-Grief Guidebook For Kids Dealing With Loss by Michaelene Mundy |
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Healing Your Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas for Kids by Alan D. Wolfelt, PH. D. |
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35 Ways To Help A Grieving Child by The Dougy Center |
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